Amani Chambliss is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Southern California. Amani is currently working in community mental health, providing therapy to people of all walks of life hoping to play a role in normalizing the importance of mental...

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Mental Health
Amani Chambliss is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Southern California. Amani is currently working in community mental health, providing therapy to people of all walks of life hoping to play a role in normalizing the importance of mental wellness.

Amani plans to start a private practice that invites all people of color to a safe space to feel seen and heard to shift the stigmas that keep our people away from the help they need and deserve.
Amani is also a millennial mom and wife that enjoys cartoons, long walks down the snack aisle and having loud Beyoncé concerts in her car.

This episode with NikiMarie and Amani was such an organic and authentic conversation. We hope you find value in this conversation about recognizing stress, when to take a break and how important it is for you to track your moods. The more transparent and honest you are with yourself, you'll be able to help yourself before you experience burnout.

We all experience stress and different ways but nothing good comes for rising stress levels. Stress is a feeling of emotional or physical tension. It can come from any event or thought that makes you feel frustrated, angry, or nervous. Stress is your body's reaction to a challenge or demand.

If you are loving the content on this channel, please feel free to leave a rating, a review and share this show with anyone you think will benefit from the content. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Subscribe to my YouTube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQI5X3j401C4uWiGIRn85ZQ

Guest contact
Amani Chambliss, M.A., LMFT https://www.instagram.com/amaniclmft/

https://www.instagram.com/nikimarie_radio/
@nikimarie_radio

#stressmanagement
#LICENSEDMARRIAGEANDFAMILYTHERAPIST
#pandemicstress
Transcript
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Hello, everyone, Thank you so much for tuning in. Today

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has been amazing, I mean hot, but amazing. I had

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a Instagram Live with a wonderful young woman. I haven't

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been on Instagram Live in so long, so she definitely

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broke me out of my shell and we had an

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amazing conversation. So I am here because I want to

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play the conversation for you all. I was able to

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capture the audio from our Instagram Live, so in case

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you missed it, no worries, I got you covered. That's

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what I'm here for. I want to make sure that

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you have every opportunity to get some information from valuable

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people who know what they're talking about. So stay tuned

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for the interview I had with my amazing guests. She'll

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tell you about herself.

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We talked about.

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Stress, recognizing when to take a time out. You never

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want to get burned out from everyday life activities. There's

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a lot of times when we don't set aside time

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for ourselves. So stay tuned for the interview with my guests.

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Come on in, Come on in, Welcome, Welcome. It's been

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a long time since I've been on Instagram.

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Live, but you know here we are.

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I have a.

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Special guest that's going to be joining me very soon,

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and we're gonna be talking about stress. Man, stress you

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already know. I'm sure everyone has experienced it already. Our

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stress levels are like this all over the place. Hello, Hello, welcome, welcome, welcome.

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Thank you so much. Make sure you send this live

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to anyone you know who is going to find value

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in this conversation about stress, how to manage, how to

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recognize the warning signs, all of that.

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Thank you, thank you. Hi.

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Everyone.

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I'm so excited to see so many familiar faces or

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names that are coming up joining today. Thank you so

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much for being here. My guest is going to be

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joining me very soon. I'm going to talk a little

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bit about her profession and the levels of stress that

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we all deal with. If you have questions, comments, concerns,

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make sure you put them in the comments and let's

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get this thing started. You know, I feel like the

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more we talk about certain things that happen in our

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lives and we're real about it, we can channel that

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either negative energy or whatever it is that you may

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be feeling and turn it into something amazing to experience lessons.

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You know, that's how we grow, That's how we grow. Yeah,

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she is here. Send the requests. We are ready for you,

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ready to get this conversation started. And I was looking

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up some things about stress, and it says stress is

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a feeling of emotional or physical tension. It can come

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from any event or thought, and it makes you feel frustrated, angry.

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I'm sure we've all been there. There's physical symptoms of stress,

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which is chest pain, body aches, exhaustion, trouble sleeping. I

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myself have personally experienced the stress of being a mom,

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being a business owner, just having so many different hats

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that I have to wear, so to.

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Manage it all is a challenge.

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But you know, we push. We pushed through this thing

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called life and challenges. Oh there you are, how are you? No?

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Can you hear me? Baally?

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Hello, let me work on sound.

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Okay, if everyone else can give me a thumbs up

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and let me know that you can hear me, because

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you know, sometimes these things technology, you never know.

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When it's gonna do us right.

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So many people joining I'm so excited. My sound is low. Okay,

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so maybe you can come maybe you can go out

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and come back in. So many people are tapping erin.

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Oh my goodness, Hi oh hey, rayah wow. So many

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people are tapping in, so we're gonna get this sound

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right if everybody you got it?

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Yees yay, All.

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Right, now I'm gonna turn my volume down because now

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I hear you loud, super loud and clear.

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How are you?

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I am well in yourself, doing great.

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Seems like you came in and a bunch of people

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just came in.

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Like okay, try to say hello to everybody. So yeah,

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introduce yourself and then we'll get started on the conversation

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of stress.

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Okay, So hi everyone. My name is Amani and I'm

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based in California, Southern California, and I am licensed marriage

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and family therapist, And just to make sure that that

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is clear, a licensed marriage and family therapist, at least

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on my side of the country means that I am

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recognized by the state of California to practice individual therapy,

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family therapy, obviously marriage therapy, and also can do a

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mariad of a lot of other things with supervising, like

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interns or associates, consulting. But the main thing is providing

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therapy and providing information. And I hope that this life

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will provide some valuable information about stress, which is becoming

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one of my favorite topics. So I'm ready to jump

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right in.

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Yes, I'm excited to have you here on the show,

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excited to have everyone else joining tuning in and writing

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their comments and waving, and I'm trying to.

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Do it, trying to wave back to everybody.

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But we talked a little bit about the stresses of

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our lives, and I wanted to get into the conversation

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of recognizing when you I guess, those warning signs when

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you're probably halfway at that level of stress, and recognizing

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how to diffuse it. So can you talk a little

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bit about that?

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Yes, absolutely, So to introduce that so everyone knows. We

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kind of talked a little bit earlier about a couple

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of things, and Nikki was asking for some statistic so

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I grabbed a few and I just want to share

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them because they're very specific to stress. So right now,

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well sorry, not right now, but the APA, which is

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the American Psychological Association, did a stress study for twenty

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twenty and what they found was eight in ten adults,

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which is about seventy eight percent, say that the COVID

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pandemic or coronavirus pandemic is a significant source of stress.

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In their lives. I think almost most of us can

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agree to that. Also, two in three adults, which is

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about sixty seven percent, say that they've experienced an increased

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in stress during the pandemic specifically, which again I think

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we can all agree. And then it gets into specifics

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of the physical and emotional total of increased stress, saying

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that about forty nine percent of adults reported behavior being

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affected negatively, which has been an increase in tension in

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their bodies, in an increase of snapping or getting angry

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quickly with other people, mood swings, and or yelling or

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screaming at loved ones specifically. So I just wanted to

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add that into the mix because I think that that

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is something that is happening, whether we want to acknowledge

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it or not. And so with that being said, warning signs,

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So there are many warning signs, but some that come

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to mind right now are when we feel like we

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are not putting attention to our basic needs for survival,

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which is like eating, sleeping, and like hygiene. When we

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are starting to see a shift in that, whether that

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means someone who showers every day like it's nothing, maybe

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they're finding it harder to bathe or shower or finding

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the motivation to do so, that's a warning sign. If

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we are noticing that we're just not interested in brushing

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our teeth anymore because he's gonna see who cares, that's

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a warning. If we notice that we're not putting as

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much effort into our nutrition because it's so much easier

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to go in the drive through and get a quick

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dollar meal. Maybe normal, but it's still a warning sign.

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Because our physical health is very connected with our emotional health.

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So what we put into our body affects our mood,

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affects our tolerance for absolutely and then also getting into stress.

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So there is a concept called low frustration tolerance. And

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when we notice, getting back to the statistic, if we

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are noticing that our tolerance for frustration is shifting to

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where we almost feel like someone can look at us

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the wrong way and we're ready to fight or we're

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ready to snap and think, then that is a warning sign.

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And it's very important to recognize our own warning signs

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because they may be similar, but they may be very different.

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So being able to even jot down, like what happens

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to me when I'm frustrated, I start to sweat, do

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I start to feel like energy in my hands. Do

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I notice that I'm not hearing people anymore? I'm just

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ready to say what I need to say. It's important

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for us to see where we're at so that we

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can gauge, like on a scale of one to ten,

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once we're at a ten, which hopefully we're not, but

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when we're there, that's like SOS need to I need

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to diffuse this now or else. We want to get

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to the point where we're not there so we can

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feel in more control, because I think that's what we

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all want to feel somewhere in our lives, is control.

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Yeah.

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I know you touched on the pandemic, and a lot

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of my stress came from the shift of a lot

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of things, between my employer, between my kids staying home,

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between just balancing everything, the kids doing virtual learning. I mean,

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there were so many different things that increased my level

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of stress. And I told you a story about going

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into Walmart and how a lot of times you go

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into the section that has different art, different frames and

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stuff like that, and one of the frames said, I

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don't feel like adulting today. And I feel like as

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we grow as adults or humans, our stress, anxiety levels

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increased because we're thinking of all the problems that we have,

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or all of the stress, financial stress, maybe stressing your relationship.

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So knowing yourself is key, and I think where you're

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going is just really journal writing, being able to document

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your feelings, your emotions. A lot of people feel comfortable

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being where they are as stress stressful people. They're like, well,

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this is just how it is. Yeah, this is just

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how life is supposed to be. I'm supposed to be

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stressed because I'm getting older, even more money, more problems.

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Right, people glorified that.

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So what do you do when you feel like you're

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being comfortable being in that place of stress, being comfortable

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in that place of anxiety.

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Yeah, that's hard because when we are in that place,

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we may not even realize that it's problematic for us

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because we might have seen it from parents or guardians

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or family members where were they're always stressed and anxious.

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So duh, I'm going to be stressed and anxious because

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they were. That's life, that's how we do it, that's

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how we handle it. And so the hope is for

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someone to say, this can't be it, This cannot be life,

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this cannot be how I just moved through life to

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start doing their own work to you know, do like

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like you said, journal writing. I'm very big on journal writing.

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Not to say that I'm just doing it every day

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all day. But one thing that I teach a lot

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of my clients in individual therapy is to do some

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type of mood and habit tracker. So noticing difficult moods.

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If you notice that you cycle between anxious, irritated, and

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in different then let's look at on a daily basis,

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how often you're feeling that, and then on a weekly basis,

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how often you're feeling it. Is it every day? Is

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it before noon? Is it after dinner? So that you

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can start to gather data in your life to say, okay,

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I have this pattern that does not shift, So what

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about my life is causing this to continue? Yeah, and

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then we can do something about my habits. If you

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notice that you are spending more time staring at your

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phone than you are attending to your real life, that

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is an issue something you need to address because you're

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not living in the present moment. A buzzword that a

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lot of people are using right now is mindfulness. Well,

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when you use it correctly, it can be a game changer.

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It keeps you here in the moment, present, here and now.

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Anytime that your mind is wandering, anytime you're worried about

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the future, anytime you're step in the past, you're not here,

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You're not mindful. Being here is what you can control

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and do something about, not then and not in the future.

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Right here. So that is something that you can start

228
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to learn how to manipulate and say, Okay, I'm really

229
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uncomfortable with right now. That's okay, let me figure out

230
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coping strategies to deal with the discomfort. Yeah.

231
00:16:30.159 --> 00:16:34.279
Wow, I'm glad that you brought up social media because

232
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when you talk about tracking your mood and just holding

233
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yourself accountable for the things that are shifting or changing.

234
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When we look at social media, we look at how

235
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many views someone has, We look at how many likes

236
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someone gets, but we're not really checking ourselves and the

237
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way of health. Social media is not everything everybody, but

238
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healthy habits become a healthy lifestyle at the end of

239
00:17:06.119 --> 00:17:10.519
the day, and what happens to you and your life.

240
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It affects every other part of you. It affects your mind,

241
00:17:15.799 --> 00:17:20.519
your body, It affects your relationship. You know, the ones

242
00:17:20.559 --> 00:17:23.559
that you have with your partner or with a coworker

243
00:17:23.880 --> 00:17:26.960
or a friend. So now we're getting into the part

244
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of relationships. How do you deal with stress in your relationship.

245
00:17:33.880 --> 00:17:37.079
I'll give you an example, just if you know, with

246
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the pandemic, not only are we staying indoors with our

247
00:17:42.000 --> 00:17:46.079
significant other, but now there's a financial piece that could

248
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be a stress as well. So how do you deal

249
00:17:49.920 --> 00:17:52.640
or how do you have those conversations, those real talk

250
00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:57.720
conversations where you're like, hey, our finances aren't the greatest

251
00:17:57.799 --> 00:18:01.440
right now because of the pandemic. One to save, one

252
00:18:01.480 --> 00:18:02.319
wants to spend.

253
00:18:04.079 --> 00:18:04.960
One wants to.

254
00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:08.559
Go out even though we may not be able to.

255
00:18:09.640 --> 00:18:13.160
One wants to save for a rainy day. Like just

256
00:18:14.119 --> 00:18:19.839
the kind of stresses that are normalized where people are

257
00:18:19.880 --> 00:18:23.200
still dealing with, you know, things from the past and

258
00:18:23.240 --> 00:18:26.039
they're bringing it into their current relationship.

259
00:18:27.079 --> 00:18:33.240
Yeah, I mean it's tough, And what I can say

260
00:18:33.519 --> 00:18:40.400
is hopefully being able to be absolutely real and have

261
00:18:41.240 --> 00:18:44.799
the hard conversation, even if it means planning it, even

262
00:18:44.839 --> 00:18:47.240
if it means writing down what you really want to

263
00:18:47.279 --> 00:18:50.000
say so that you don't get nervous to say it

264
00:18:50.519 --> 00:18:54.519
with that person, because you know how sometimes conversations can

265
00:18:54.599 --> 00:18:59.680
get the more honest and the more talking you do

266
00:18:59.759 --> 00:19:03.359
with your partner and reevaluating all the time. I mean,

267
00:19:03.440 --> 00:19:08.480
you can't expect the same from you, know however many

268
00:19:08.519 --> 00:19:10.799
years ago you've been with that person to be the

269
00:19:10.839 --> 00:19:14.319
same now, so reevaluating all the time, asking them where

270
00:19:14.319 --> 00:19:16.200
are you at with this? Let me tell you where

271
00:19:16.240 --> 00:19:19.599
I'm at with this? How do we find some middle

272
00:19:19.640 --> 00:19:23.519
ground because we're both in this together. Yeah, I mean,

273
00:19:23.680 --> 00:19:27.880
finances is a tough conversation, but having it and continuing

274
00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:31.039
to have it will at least continue to leave the

275
00:19:31.079 --> 00:19:37.079
door open for understanding and adapting and then dealing with

276
00:19:37.119 --> 00:19:40.400
the stress of being inside with your loved one. I mean,

277
00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:43.839
one is just accepting where things are and how things

278
00:19:43.880 --> 00:19:47.960
are and just finding ways to still have your own

279
00:19:49.559 --> 00:19:53.119
like still beat you even with that person, because as

280
00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:57.000
much as we all love our significant other, we were

281
00:19:57.039 --> 00:19:59.920
there with ourselves first. So you still have to be

282
00:20:00.200 --> 00:20:05.400
you and find you in your relationship, in your space.

283
00:20:05.440 --> 00:20:08.839
So if that means, hey, you know what, you go

284
00:20:08.920 --> 00:20:10.559
on and go back and me and you.

285
00:20:10.519 --> 00:20:11.400
Do do your thing.

286
00:20:11.720 --> 00:20:13.519
I'm gonna go hang out on the balcony and do

287
00:20:13.599 --> 00:20:17.720
my thing. But and will come together maybe later on

288
00:20:17.799 --> 00:20:19.680
and watch a movie. But I need my space, you

289
00:20:19.720 --> 00:20:22.000
need yours, and that's what helps us to come back

290
00:20:22.039 --> 00:20:25.519
together in a happy environment.

291
00:20:25.720 --> 00:20:28.519
See, we could talk a little bit about that, because

292
00:20:29.039 --> 00:20:33.000
some people feel like they they need space or they

293
00:20:33.039 --> 00:20:37.720
want space, but they're not confident when that space happens,

294
00:20:38.920 --> 00:20:43.720
like like infidelity situations. If I give you too much space,

295
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:47.400
you're gonna go seeking, you know what I mean.

296
00:20:48.680 --> 00:20:51.319
So if we could talk a little bit about.

297
00:20:51.119 --> 00:20:56.279
The confidence part, just like how to be a little

298
00:20:56.279 --> 00:21:00.240
bit more confident when you do allow that space to

299
00:21:00.599 --> 00:21:02.279
just happen organically.

300
00:21:03.799 --> 00:21:11.200
Well, I think it's important to recognize within you know,

301
00:21:11.240 --> 00:21:19.680
the relationship, what space is, right, Yeah, because one thing

302
00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:22.960
that I have learned and that I teach other people

303
00:21:23.160 --> 00:21:29.519
is please don't assume. Please, because when you assume much

304
00:21:30.599 --> 00:21:33.559
mon princes, be're wrong. Let me tell you you cannot

305
00:21:33.559 --> 00:21:36.519
assume what somebody is thinking, even if you've been with

306
00:21:36.559 --> 00:21:41.400
them a decade. Do not assume that you just know,

307
00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:44.599
because you will always be surprised or not that you

308
00:21:44.759 --> 00:21:50.480
did not know. And so don't assume. Ask. Yeah, have

309
00:21:51.000 --> 00:21:54.000
find out, Well I want some space. Let me tell

310
00:21:54.039 --> 00:21:57.119
you what my space means. Maybe my space just means

311
00:21:57.240 --> 00:22:01.119
I mean thirty minutes to myself to take some deep breaths,

312
00:22:01.480 --> 00:22:03.720
maybe space for somebody else means I need to go

313
00:22:03.799 --> 00:22:07.039
take a drive, or I need to go book myself

314
00:22:07.240 --> 00:22:11.119
a room to be completely alone and then you know,

315
00:22:11.240 --> 00:22:13.880
to recharge so that I could come back and be

316
00:22:13.960 --> 00:22:17.519
the best partner for you and myself, Like we need

317
00:22:17.559 --> 00:22:22.559
to know where each other are instead of assuming what

318
00:22:22.640 --> 00:22:25.680
it might be. Yeah, and then where a lot of

319
00:22:25.920 --> 00:22:28.759
things slip through the cracks is when we assume or

320
00:22:28.759 --> 00:22:33.440
we interpret things because of what it might look like.

321
00:22:34.039 --> 00:22:41.200
Yeah, if we could sum up stress in a bubble,

322
00:22:43.000 --> 00:22:45.799
what would that look like or what would that sound like?

323
00:22:46.960 --> 00:22:49.200
To just have a label for stress?

324
00:22:49.279 --> 00:22:52.960
Like I don't like labels, but if we're being real

325
00:22:53.000 --> 00:22:58.079
about it, could you personally define stress, like how you

326
00:22:58.160 --> 00:23:04.160
recognize that? And it could be like a personal thought,

327
00:23:04.839 --> 00:23:05.720
personal feeling.

328
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:13.160
When I think of stress, I kind of think of

329
00:23:17.079 --> 00:23:22.079
like I think one of the things that I can

330
00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:25.400
kind of give like a metaphor to me is when

331
00:23:25.480 --> 00:23:33.519
I watch if anyone has ever seen orders.

332
00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:37.920
Where gosh wait on Netflix anywhere net quarters.

333
00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:42.000
Like A and E, T, whatever, but we all know

334
00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:49.279
the show holders. Yes, Like, to me, that is like

335
00:23:49.480 --> 00:23:55.119
a that is stress to me because it represents so

336
00:23:55.200 --> 00:23:58.720
many things. It's physically stressful because how do I even

337
00:23:58.759 --> 00:24:01.839
get to the next room because there's stuff everywhere. But

338
00:24:01.880 --> 00:24:06.720
then the emotional hoarding, like the emotional clutter that comes

339
00:24:06.759 --> 00:24:09.720
with that. I mean, if you think of the difference

340
00:24:09.720 --> 00:24:12.319
between like when your house is kind of cluttered, you

341
00:24:12.480 --> 00:24:16.000
just got stuff everywhere, clothes on the floor, like things

342
00:24:16.039 --> 00:24:19.759
stacking up, and then how your mind feels about that space.

343
00:24:20.039 --> 00:24:24.079
I imagine it brings anxiety. I know it does for me.

344
00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:27.559
So when my space is clean and clear and I

345
00:24:27.559 --> 00:24:30.880
can see my path, then my mind kind of follows

346
00:24:31.039 --> 00:24:34.519
and I can kind of organize things in my mind. Yeah,

347
00:24:34.720 --> 00:24:37.680
a little bit better. So that is kind of like

348
00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:44.400
my how I visualize stress. It's just like emotional swarding.

349
00:24:44.880 --> 00:24:45.240
Yeah.

350
00:24:46.279 --> 00:24:50.440
Wow, I never really thought of it like that, but

351
00:24:50.519 --> 00:24:52.799
that is such a great example. And I think that

352
00:24:53.400 --> 00:24:56.960
we all think of stress in different ways.

353
00:24:57.920 --> 00:24:58.680
We're all human.

354
00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:03.119
We deal with stress differently, we identify with stress in

355
00:25:03.160 --> 00:25:03.920
different ways.

356
00:25:04.960 --> 00:25:06.759
Stress to some people could just be.

357
00:25:07.039 --> 00:25:12.480
Emotional trauma from the past, and that could be a stress. Uh,

358
00:25:12.640 --> 00:25:15.160
it could be something that you really want to talk

359
00:25:15.160 --> 00:25:17.400
about but don't know how to talk about it, don't

360
00:25:17.400 --> 00:25:20.400
know how to say say anything about it, and that

361
00:25:20.440 --> 00:25:23.680
could be a stress anything that kind of weighs you down.

362
00:25:24.519 --> 00:25:28.720
And what you're saying that clutter that the clutter of

363
00:25:28.759 --> 00:25:34.039
our lives is stressed. Absolutely, But now how do we

364
00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:38.119
how do we diffuse that? Like, what are some things

365
00:25:38.119 --> 00:25:42.720
that we can do to get better with handling stress

366
00:25:42.759 --> 00:25:43.759
and talking about it?

367
00:25:45.319 --> 00:25:50.599
Well, one thing that comes to mind immediately is prioritizing

368
00:25:50.680 --> 00:25:54.759
our stressors in our life. If you think about it

369
00:25:54.799 --> 00:25:59.799
to a degree, to do lists can almost be prioritizeds

370
00:25:59.839 --> 00:26:03.720
like stress it a little bit, right, depending on what

371
00:26:04.400 --> 00:26:08.440
kind of thing true on your to do list, So

372
00:26:08.599 --> 00:26:12.839
prioritizing it. Do like, I don't think everything holds the

373
00:26:12.880 --> 00:26:18.640
same weight, so don't make it. If you have things

374
00:26:18.680 --> 00:26:22.599
that are like on fire, like this has to happen

375
00:26:22.680 --> 00:26:28.000
to day or else, then handle that first, Yeah, don't

376
00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:33.759
and something very small as the same weight. And then

377
00:26:33.960 --> 00:26:36.319
if you have things that are more of a one

378
00:26:36.480 --> 00:26:38.920
or a zero where it's like, yeah, it's important, but

379
00:26:39.160 --> 00:26:43.640
it can happen anytime, then lower that on your list, Like,

380
00:26:43.799 --> 00:26:47.359
don't just make everything a tend if it's not, because

381
00:26:47.359 --> 00:26:52.559
that's just robbing you of the space to handle what

382
00:26:52.759 --> 00:26:53.880
needs to be handled.

383
00:26:56.200 --> 00:26:59.400
Yeah, what are what are some of the takeaways that

384
00:27:00.079 --> 00:27:04.319
you would want people that are tuning in to take

385
00:27:04.359 --> 00:27:05.480
away from the conversation.

386
00:27:07.240 --> 00:27:12.839
I want people to take away that you can manage stress.

387
00:27:14.160 --> 00:27:20.839
The reality is it is hard. However, so is staying stuck.

388
00:27:22.319 --> 00:27:27.039
So just choose, you know, like nothing comes easy. We

389
00:27:27.160 --> 00:27:33.440
know that, So choose which are holds more value and

390
00:27:33.559 --> 00:27:36.079
taking things like one thing at a time. You do

391
00:27:36.200 --> 00:27:42.079
not have to go full throttle with every sink dresser

392
00:27:42.920 --> 00:27:47.720
because that just, you know, like it's too hard. Deal

393
00:27:47.759 --> 00:27:51.799
with one thing at a time and don't force yourself

394
00:27:52.519 --> 00:27:54.240
to do it all.

395
00:27:55.000 --> 00:28:02.440
Yeah, I definitely love being able to track certain things,

396
00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:07.319
certain emotions, certain feelings that happen. Some people might say

397
00:28:07.319 --> 00:28:10.920
it's a tedious thing to do, but I feel like

398
00:28:11.759 --> 00:28:15.200
we document a lot of other things right that may

399
00:28:15.240 --> 00:28:19.119
not even matter too much than our own lives. And

400
00:28:19.160 --> 00:28:23.359
stress is the number one killer. So it's pretty much

401
00:28:23.400 --> 00:28:27.480
like do you want to live? I've had those moments

402
00:28:27.920 --> 00:28:30.160
where I didn't want to live because of some mental

403
00:28:30.240 --> 00:28:32.559
health challenges that I've had that I've had to deal

404
00:28:32.599 --> 00:28:36.079
with and face full on. And I know that we

405
00:28:36.200 --> 00:28:41.680
also talked about facing those challenges and being able to

406
00:28:41.799 --> 00:28:44.599
be uncomfortable to get comfortable.

407
00:28:45.559 --> 00:28:45.799
Right.

408
00:28:46.240 --> 00:28:48.079
So now my question.

409
00:28:50.079 --> 00:28:53.279
Is really when it comes to mental health, because we

410
00:28:53.359 --> 00:28:56.880
know that this is Mental Health Awareness Month, and for

411
00:28:56.960 --> 00:28:59.000
a lot of us, it's not just a month, but

412
00:28:59.079 --> 00:29:03.200
it's a life, a lifetime. Some people would say, oh, well,

413
00:29:03.240 --> 00:29:05.640
you know you dealt with that, but I'm still dealing

414
00:29:05.680 --> 00:29:09.039
with it. It's not something that ever goes away. It's

415
00:29:09.079 --> 00:29:13.720
just a challenge that I choose to journal, do journal entries,

416
00:29:13.960 --> 00:29:18.720
do my vocal therapy, and you know, just heal the

417
00:29:18.759 --> 00:29:22.960
way I need to personally heal from myself. How would

418
00:29:22.960 --> 00:29:27.119
you say this month has been for you mentally.

419
00:29:27.359 --> 00:29:30.799
As a mom, a new mom, and wife.

420
00:29:30.440 --> 00:29:34.000
And just different things because you talk to different people,

421
00:29:34.440 --> 00:29:38.559
So how are you balancing all of the things along

422
00:29:38.599 --> 00:29:40.400
with any stresses that you're going through.

423
00:29:42.559 --> 00:29:47.400
So I would say, I mean, I'm human, so I

424
00:29:47.440 --> 00:29:52.000
cannot do at all and I recognize that, and so

425
00:29:52.359 --> 00:29:57.039
I am working on not expecting myself to be able

426
00:29:57.119 --> 00:30:04.039
to do everything. Yeah, I will, you know, utilize my

427
00:30:04.160 --> 00:30:09.319
husband to help with my son instead of me feeling like, no,

428
00:30:09.559 --> 00:30:12.039
that's my job all the time, and I just hold

429
00:30:12.240 --> 00:30:17.160
everything and I have to do it all. No, And

430
00:30:17.200 --> 00:30:21.759
that's hard because I think as a black woman, we're

431
00:30:21.759 --> 00:30:25.000
conditioned to feel like we do have to do it

432
00:30:25.039 --> 00:30:27.920
all and do it all with a smile and you

433
00:30:28.039 --> 00:30:33.400
better not complain. And that's not my narrative. That I

434
00:30:33.559 --> 00:30:36.279
won't allow that to be my narrative because I also

435
00:30:36.319 --> 00:30:40.559
have seen where that takes people emotionally and the resentment

436
00:30:40.720 --> 00:30:44.480
that comes with that. So I just make the choice

437
00:30:45.039 --> 00:30:51.359
to set aside my self care little tools that I

438
00:30:51.559 --> 00:30:57.039
use on a daily basis, and I make sure they

439
00:30:57.160 --> 00:31:01.559
happen at least to some degree, even two minutes to

440
00:31:01.640 --> 00:31:05.279
myself or you know, one thing, one thing on my

441
00:31:05.400 --> 00:31:08.000
to do list that is part of myself here, I

442
00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:12.279
make sure it's happening on a regular basis.

443
00:31:13.680 --> 00:31:14.440
The self care.

444
00:31:15.039 --> 00:31:19.519
Yeah, how about you? I've been yeah, asked me a

445
00:31:19.519 --> 00:31:24.039
lot of question. How do you take care of you?

446
00:31:24.920 --> 00:31:27.240
What works well for me?

447
00:31:28.440 --> 00:31:32.839
Just writing and speaking works, so being able to tap

448
00:31:32.920 --> 00:31:37.880
into some form of creativity, whether I sing, I do karaoke,

449
00:31:41.319 --> 00:31:44.920
or I do you know my podcast The Balancing Act,

450
00:31:44.960 --> 00:31:48.640
which is a mental health podcast. I have a journal

451
00:31:48.680 --> 00:31:52.319
that's called The Magical Mindset on how to get unstuck.

452
00:31:53.319 --> 00:31:55.720
It's awesome. I actually have it here in my studio.

453
00:31:56.440 --> 00:31:58.680
I always have it right next to me, just because

454
00:32:01.519 --> 00:32:05.200
just because I'm always thinking, like what can I do

455
00:32:05.559 --> 00:32:09.400
to get better and to continue where I am right now.

456
00:32:09.720 --> 00:32:12.200
I always tell everyone that I'm on a journey of

457
00:32:12.240 --> 00:32:15.839
self discovery and recovery. And when you're going through any

458
00:32:15.880 --> 00:32:18.720
type of process in your life, I always feel like

459
00:32:19.200 --> 00:32:23.079
it's better to communicate than to hold it in. So

460
00:32:23.279 --> 00:32:28.599
if I'm not doing that work, then I'm really suffering

461
00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:34.079
and setting myself back. So definitely, tapping into my creativity

462
00:32:34.160 --> 00:32:37.960
has kind of leveled me out with when it comes

463
00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:42.519
to stress. And I mean, we're all balancing so many

464
00:32:42.559 --> 00:32:46.599
different things. That's also another reason why I call it

465
00:32:46.640 --> 00:32:48.240
my podcast the Balancing Act.

466
00:32:49.519 --> 00:32:53.039
And I do a lot of quotes.

467
00:32:53.200 --> 00:32:57.200
I do a lot of reviews on different positive affirmations.

468
00:32:57.920 --> 00:33:01.599
So I mean, it's all about mindset. It's all about mindset.

469
00:33:02.480 --> 00:33:04.839
It's like we kind of have to trick our minds

470
00:33:05.359 --> 00:33:09.240
to think that we're not in this sunken place, but

471
00:33:09.359 --> 00:33:14.279
we're just coming out and getting out of our cocoons

472
00:33:14.319 --> 00:33:18.000
and becoming beautiful butterflies right.

473
00:33:18.559 --> 00:33:22.839
All the time. You know, like I don't think we

474
00:33:23.240 --> 00:33:27.920
you know we are a constant work in progress. It's constant,

475
00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:31.200
Like I've never been to a point where I'm like

476
00:33:31.440 --> 00:33:35.319
I'm all done, Everything's great, Like yeah, No, I just

477
00:33:35.440 --> 00:33:37.680
reach a level that I feel like, oh, okay, I

478
00:33:37.759 --> 00:33:40.519
got to handle on this, and there's more. And you

479
00:33:40.720 --> 00:33:43.759
just keep working at it and you keep getting better

480
00:33:44.039 --> 00:33:46.559
at you and who you are and how you treat

481
00:33:46.599 --> 00:33:49.720
people and how you are in this world. But I

482
00:33:49.759 --> 00:33:52.960
love that like we all get stuck. We all do,

483
00:33:53.559 --> 00:33:57.759
and whether we notice it or not, there is always

484
00:33:57.839 --> 00:34:01.039
a way to get unstuck. And as you figure out

485
00:34:01.559 --> 00:34:05.400
your cheat codes to mine and realize oh, I'm getting stuck,

486
00:34:05.599 --> 00:34:09.840
in time to switch things around before it takes a toll.

487
00:34:10.079 --> 00:34:14.079
Yeah, I will definitely have moments where I burn out

488
00:34:14.800 --> 00:34:17.800
and I'll reach out to a friend and I'll be like, hey,

489
00:34:18.039 --> 00:34:20.800
I feel like I'm getting to that level of being

490
00:34:20.840 --> 00:34:25.360
burnt out. Sometimes I do put on a brave face,

491
00:34:25.599 --> 00:34:30.599
especially with my kids and my partner, but I'll take

492
00:34:30.639 --> 00:34:33.760
a moment and we'll have the fire pit outside and

493
00:34:33.800 --> 00:34:38.199
we'll mix moores and tell little ghost stories or whatever.

494
00:34:38.239 --> 00:34:42.840
But I think we all just have to identify that

495
00:34:42.960 --> 00:34:48.039
we need a time out that like I feel like

496
00:34:48.199 --> 00:34:51.320
that's the important part, just knowing when you really need

497
00:34:51.360 --> 00:34:52.280
to take a step back.

498
00:34:53.039 --> 00:34:53.760
I agree.

499
00:34:54.599 --> 00:35:01.760
So I am having guest takeovers, so if anyone was

500
00:35:01.800 --> 00:35:06.039
a previous guest, they're they're getting like the first DIBs

501
00:35:06.119 --> 00:35:09.320
of the opportunity to host an episode on Nick and

502
00:35:09.360 --> 00:35:13.800
Marie Radio, so that that is open to you now

503
00:35:16.199 --> 00:35:21.559
the host to host, you basically take over my podcast

504
00:35:21.800 --> 00:35:26.480
or radio episode or my Instagram live and you will

505
00:35:26.519 --> 00:35:31.239
be able to talk to a guest. I actually have

506
00:35:31.559 --> 00:35:35.239
I may have someone coming up very very soon that's

507
00:35:35.280 --> 00:35:37.559
going to host, and I think the two are going

508
00:35:37.639 --> 00:35:41.519
to have such good energy that it's going to rock out.

509
00:35:43.559 --> 00:35:43.880
Down.

510
00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:48.760
But I love having you here. Your experience and your

511
00:35:48.840 --> 00:35:53.400
expertise is definitely something that I'm happy to have as

512
00:35:53.440 --> 00:35:55.960
an addition to the guest takeover.

513
00:35:57.280 --> 00:36:00.480
Well, thank you for having me. This is like fun,

514
00:36:00.800 --> 00:36:06.400
you know, and I loved being authentic and relatable. I'm

515
00:36:06.400 --> 00:36:09.800
a therapist, but I'm human and I'm human first, and yeah,

516
00:36:10.719 --> 00:36:13.719
I do not have it all together every day, and

517
00:36:13.800 --> 00:36:17.320
I'm aware of it and I like to talk about it.

518
00:36:17.800 --> 00:36:21.880
Yeah, and that's the best part being able to talk

519
00:36:21.920 --> 00:36:22.440
about it.

520
00:36:23.039 --> 00:36:23.320
M H.

521
00:36:23.960 --> 00:36:28.079
Being able to live through moments and come out stronger

522
00:36:28.159 --> 00:36:30.280
because you spoke about it, you identified it.

523
00:36:31.719 --> 00:36:32.800
I should I.

524
00:36:32.760 --> 00:36:38.480
Say corrected, you corrected, like you corrected a moment that happened,

525
00:36:39.960 --> 00:36:41.719
or is that not.

526
00:36:42.079 --> 00:36:43.320
The right way to say it?

527
00:36:43.360 --> 00:36:45.639
Because I always feel like there's certain things that we

528
00:36:45.719 --> 00:36:48.400
say they may that may come off a little offensive

529
00:36:49.079 --> 00:36:51.719
only because they're like, well, I didn't have a problem before,

530
00:36:51.800 --> 00:36:52.159
So why.

531
00:36:52.039 --> 00:36:53.360
Are you saying that I'm correcting it?

532
00:36:54.199 --> 00:36:56.960
Because some people don't identify certain things that they do

533
00:36:57.039 --> 00:36:57.679
as a problem.

534
00:36:58.800 --> 00:37:03.119
Right, No, I absolutely take that. You know, as I

535
00:37:03.360 --> 00:37:07.159
there's been a lot of corrections that I have even

536
00:37:07.239 --> 00:37:10.119
forced myself to make and looked at the mirror and said,

537
00:37:10.239 --> 00:37:14.159
know this, it's you today, Like you are the problem today.

538
00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:17.440
So you need to look that so that that's not

539
00:37:17.519 --> 00:37:22.920
a problem again. And I think yes, correction is important.

540
00:37:23.400 --> 00:37:29.079
Nice And on that note, so how can everyone get

541
00:37:29.079 --> 00:37:29.840
in touch with you?

542
00:37:30.039 --> 00:37:31.320
Besides social media?

543
00:37:31.599 --> 00:37:33.639
I mean, you can still plug it in, but besides

544
00:37:33.679 --> 00:37:38.199
social media, how else can people contact you if they

545
00:37:38.320 --> 00:37:41.480
also need some one on one counseling.

546
00:37:42.760 --> 00:37:48.400
So right now, at this time, I'm not advertising individual

547
00:37:48.480 --> 00:37:49.440
therapy right now.

548
00:37:49.800 --> 00:37:49.920
OK.

549
00:37:50.840 --> 00:37:52.840
That can change in the future, but right now I'm

550
00:37:52.880 --> 00:37:56.039
not so the best way to reach out to me

551
00:37:56.400 --> 00:38:02.840
is to follow me or send me a message on

552
00:38:03.199 --> 00:38:09.000
amanip l m f T. That is me on Twitter

553
00:38:09.039 --> 00:38:13.960
as well as Instagram. Also, if you need something specific

554
00:38:14.400 --> 00:38:18.920
or want to talk more privately, my email is Amani

555
00:38:19.239 --> 00:38:22.239
C l m f T at gmail dot com and

556
00:38:22.280 --> 00:38:27.119
I'll get back to this possible. But yeah, that's it

557
00:38:27.199 --> 00:38:33.000
right now, but as be able to expand on how

558
00:38:33.039 --> 00:38:33.760
I can be.

559
00:38:33.679 --> 00:38:35.119
An assistant nice.

560
00:38:35.920 --> 00:38:38.599
I am so happy to have you on board and

561
00:38:38.800 --> 00:38:41.719
this was a great conversation. So happy that you were

562
00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:45.760
able to help me and answer questions and so many

563
00:38:45.840 --> 00:38:49.360
people were tuning in and saying a bunch of different comments.

564
00:38:49.480 --> 00:38:51.400
I appreciate you all so much.

565
00:38:51.719 --> 00:38:56.440
For the comments and the waves, the hearts, the flowers.

566
00:38:57.599 --> 00:38:59.800
I'm seeing all of it and I love it. So

567
00:39:01.000 --> 00:39:04.159
until next time, you all can follow me of course

568
00:39:04.239 --> 00:39:08.559
here at NICKI Marie Underscore Radio. Shout out to all

569
00:39:08.599 --> 00:39:13.679
the family members who also tapped in, and yeah, I

570
00:39:13.719 --> 00:39:16.480
see you looking for more lives. Definitely we have to

571
00:39:16.480 --> 00:39:20.519
do this again again and again. This was this was awesome.

572
00:39:20.639 --> 00:39:23.440
I haven't been on live in a long time, so

573
00:39:23.599 --> 00:39:28.719
I'm happy that you were the first female guests on

574
00:39:28.920 --> 00:39:32.199
my life and a very very very very long time.

575
00:39:33.199 --> 00:39:38.079
I'm honor so much for having me, no problem.

576
00:39:38.440 --> 00:39:40.159
Thank you so much everybody.

577
00:39:40.519 --> 00:39:46.159
I feel so bad for leaving now, but I know

578
00:39:46.239 --> 00:39:50.199
you'll have to get to our family and my kids

579
00:39:50.239 --> 00:39:54.000
are over there watching me for some reason.

580
00:39:54.159 --> 00:39:54.800
I don't know.

581
00:39:54.800 --> 00:40:07.719
Why, and I don't know why. Just say hello, Hi,

582
00:40:09.000 --> 00:40:14.920
oh affair family affair, and they're sometimes on my podcast.

583
00:40:15.039 --> 00:40:19.599
So this is Haley J Haley J and friends.

584
00:40:19.840 --> 00:40:19.920
Hi.

585
00:40:20.519 --> 00:40:26.920
This is x D Gamer who's working on his YouTube channel.

586
00:40:28.199 --> 00:40:30.679
So thank you, thank you so much.

587
00:40:31.159 --> 00:40:34.559
Until next time, thank you, and I'll be reaching back

588
00:40:34.559 --> 00:40:40.000
out to you. What a great interview. I loved every

589
00:40:40.039 --> 00:40:44.519
minute of it. I'm actually not going to edit any

590
00:40:44.639 --> 00:40:47.920
parts of that interview. I'm going to keep it all

591
00:40:48.440 --> 00:40:51.920
the parts with my kids, the part where the phone

592
00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:58.519
is buzzing. It's all about acceptance and learning and listening

593
00:40:58.760 --> 00:41:04.320
and being in tune with yourself and the speakers and

594
00:41:04.519 --> 00:41:07.239
what we had to share. So I hope you love

595
00:41:07.480 --> 00:41:11.159
this conversation that I had. And I actually wanted to

596
00:41:11.199 --> 00:41:14.440
leave you with something because I read a lot about

597
00:41:14.480 --> 00:41:19.679
gratitude and I got to this part of my book, well,

598
00:41:20.199 --> 00:41:26.639
not one that I wrote, but it's about finding gratitude.

599
00:41:26.760 --> 00:41:30.960
And this one says, I am grateful for acceptance. And

600
00:41:31.000 --> 00:41:34.440
I think about stress, and I think about how often

601
00:41:34.480 --> 00:41:38.159
we do accept these things as part of our lives.

602
00:41:38.679 --> 00:41:41.920
But it really depends on how you're turning it from

603
00:41:42.000 --> 00:41:46.559
a negative into a positive. So we do want to

604
00:41:46.719 --> 00:41:54.039
identify stress within ourselves, our relationships and change the narrative

605
00:41:54.360 --> 00:41:58.119
of what stress looks like or if it's a negative

606
00:41:58.119 --> 00:42:01.400
stress or an emotional stress, us what are we doing

607
00:42:01.440 --> 00:42:05.039
with it? But it says I am grateful for acceptance.

608
00:42:05.079 --> 00:42:08.400
Acceptance means I am loved for who I am. It

609
00:42:08.440 --> 00:42:12.320
allows me to grow and challenge myself. Even though acceptance

610
00:42:12.360 --> 00:42:16.559
from others isn't necessary, it certainly helps me to teach

611
00:42:16.840 --> 00:42:20.119
or to reach my full potential and to feel loved.

612
00:42:20.599 --> 00:42:24.440
Acceptance doesn't have to come from others, or most importantly,

613
00:42:24.920 --> 00:42:29.320
it comes from within. Learning to accept myself for who

614
00:42:29.400 --> 00:42:32.559
I am allows me to live the life I have

615
00:42:32.679 --> 00:42:38.079
always wanted. Accepting myself for who I am has allowed

616
00:42:38.119 --> 00:42:42.519
me to find great contentment. And it's really how you

617
00:42:42.559 --> 00:42:47.119
look at your life as a whole. And when I

618
00:42:47.159 --> 00:42:52.440
thought of this topic of recognizing stress and having the

619
00:42:52.480 --> 00:42:59.239
ability to diffuse the situation, how much of yourself are

620
00:42:59.280 --> 00:43:02.880
you accepting. You got to accept the good with the bad,

621
00:43:03.480 --> 00:43:06.119
but you also have to know that there is room

622
00:43:06.199 --> 00:43:11.440
for growth and there is room to change. A lot

623
00:43:11.440 --> 00:43:14.639
of people say, well, I'm just going to accept the

624
00:43:14.679 --> 00:43:17.840
things that I cannot change, but there's always a part

625
00:43:17.840 --> 00:43:21.159
of us that we can change, especially if it's something

626
00:43:21.199 --> 00:43:24.079
that is harming us, if it's doing more harm than good,

627
00:43:24.719 --> 00:43:27.760
it may be something you really want to consider changing

628
00:43:28.239 --> 00:43:31.119
or correcting. So thank you so much for listening to

629
00:43:31.159 --> 00:43:34.880
today's show. I can be reached on all social media

630
00:43:34.920 --> 00:43:38.840
platforms at Nicki Marie Underscore Radio, and make sure you

631
00:43:39.199 --> 00:43:44.320
subscribe to my YouTube channel, Nicki Murrie Radio, and also

632
00:43:44.480 --> 00:43:49.800
subscribe to nick Marie Radio podcast because there will be

633
00:43:50.079 --> 00:43:52.920
guests taking over the show. I'm going to be on

634
00:43:53.079 --> 00:43:58.599
summer vacation and my former guests will be the ones

635
00:43:59.039 --> 00:44:02.159
that you will be hearing, so stay tuned for that.

636
00:44:02.400 --> 00:44:06.880
I'm excited. I'm excited to take a vacation and have

637
00:44:07.000 --> 00:44:12.239
someone else run the show. So stay tuned, and thank

638
00:44:12.280 --> 00:44:15.280
you so much for listening. Make sure you love yourselves,

639
00:44:16.039 --> 00:44:17.960
but love each other as well. Thank you